quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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