so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
