Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
