The maid of honor just puked.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
