he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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