He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize