Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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