Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
