I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
