i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
