I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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