I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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