I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
