this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
