Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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