The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
