he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
