All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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