hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
