Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
