You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
