the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize