So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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