I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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