I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
