So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize