found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
