Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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