Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
