next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
