Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
