he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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