Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
