I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
