From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
