he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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