You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I want is dick and wine.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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