There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
