Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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