i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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