The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
