I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
