I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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