I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
