walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Send help, water and tortillas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
