I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As shirtless as possible
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
