I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
