Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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