We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
