saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
