I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
