used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
