So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
