So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
