Who wears a wallet chain?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
