party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
