My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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