Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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