I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Alive.
So much puke
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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