I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
