please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This baby is an asshole
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
