Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
