your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
