The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
