If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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