I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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