The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
