No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize