her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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