Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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