She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
